I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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