Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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