my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
