you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
