Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
