I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
