What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
