I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she peed on how many people?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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