You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
