she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
