She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
