Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
