Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
