i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
