rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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