so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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