The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
