i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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