I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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