It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
