this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
