Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
