Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
