so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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