3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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