I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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