I wish I only lived at night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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