apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
