Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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