I looked at my own cervix.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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