Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
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sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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