i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
