i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize