so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
