that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
