my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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