OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
