omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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