I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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