Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's just like the Real World with babies
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
