i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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