i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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