in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
