someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
