rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
