was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
