her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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