my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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