Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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