Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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