nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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