Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
