I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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