That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
