Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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