just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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