are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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