it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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