he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
