WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
