guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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