Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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