The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
