So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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