I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
