sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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